..trying to change the way i think..

..well, i see progress on the scale, but more than that i see progress on the inside, too.  as of this morning, i have lost 5 lbs in 2 weeks.  but the biggest change is going on inside.  i am finding i am having alot of internal battles & struggles through this.  some are extremely hard to fight.  like yesterday, we sat in the doctor's office for almost 6 hours.  i was exhausted, stressed & "starving" (yes, that is a stretch, i fully recognize i am not LITERALLY starving).  the easy thing to do would have been stop by somewhere to grab some food.  i hadn't eaten since 6AM, surely it would be worth it----or would it.  i fought the battle in my head the entire way home.  and my will power won that particular battle, i know it will lose every once in a while---but it won yesterday.  i came home & ate my already accounted for meal that i knew was healthy.  when it was time to get on the elliptical yesterday, i set a goal of 36 minutes.  i had increased the intensity up to level 2 (hey, you have to start somewhere, right?).  my 1st day at level 2, i struggled to get 22 minutes, but yesterday i was determined to get back to my top 35 at level 2.  it was like i was able to harness my frustration into that session.  i ended up doing 38 minutes at levels 2 & 3 (moving it up and down thru the workout).  i felt like i had won again.  granted, this morning, my body is not fully happy with my decision, but it'll survive.  *laughs*  i don't want to get too spooky holy for some of my friends or folks that may happen across this blog....but i truly feel this is a spiritual war FAR more than a physical one.  it is a war against my physical body to take back the control.  it is a war to place God back at the head of my life----all my life----including my eating & exercise habits.  there are battles most every day.  i try to stay focused on my daily battle, because my goal is to overcome today.....if that is too lofty (which it feels like it is some days), then i focus on overcoming that hour.  whatever it takes.

..i promised transparency, so i have sort of a confession to make.  i was one of those pretty negative people about jessica simpson during her pregnancy due to her gaining so much weight.  not vicious, but just sort of gasping like "whoa, she is huge."  i should not have been like that, i truly always thought she was the most beautiful out of that little set of girl singers popular at the time & she remained beautiful, even pregnant.  well, i saw her on the premiere of katie couric's talk show.  jessica simpson has now signed a contract with weight watchers & they showed a preview of her commercial.  it was a face shot only & jessica explained how she didn't feel comfortable with a full body shot.  she explained EXACTLY how i feel about the subject, that it is not about a number--the weight..it is about being truly healthy.  so, she wanted to deflect from the weight on her outside & focus on how she was feeling on the inside.  she said thankfully weight watcher was on board with her thought to approach it that way.  i can't think of any other weight loss commercial that has focused on that aspect.  i think, whether you need to lose 20 lbs or 220 lbs, our goal should be balance, healthy eating, moderation & how we feel.  goals are great, in fact, i believe what the Bible says "without vision, the people perish".  we have to have a goal---and even mini goals---but we have to be focused on the big picture, being healthy inside & out. 

..i again would encourage anyone walking this journey to think about picking up "made to crave".  it is a great Godly view on our eating habits.  i felt a direct connection to one of the parts of the book when she talks about getting up on the scale & even though it hadn't changed---she had.  that is how i felt this weigh in.  i am starting to feel stronger & better.  i know i can do this & i really don't want to give up.  so, i keep fighting my little battles..but those little battles will eventually win the war. 

..more to come..